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How Different People Deal With Grief

Bare, exposed tree and root system

Grief can leave us feeling bare and exposed

Losing a loved one, losing a job or going through a break up are all incredibly hard processes to go through, and ones that many of us would rather avoid if we could. Of course these are also the experiences that forge our personalities and define us, and unfortunately are necessary if we are to form meaningful attachments during our time on Earth.

However while they’re unavoidable, the way we deal with them can vary greatly from person to person, and the way one individual deals with grief can be very different to the way another person does. Understanding this is key to getting through a difficult period emotionally intact, and it’s key to helping others get through it and understanding where they might be coming from.

Here we will look at a few of the ways that people deal with grief, to help you better understand the process and hopefully maybe prepare.

Denial

Denial is a common way to deal with grief and is something that we’re all familiar with. The person in denial is the person who refuses to accept things the way they are and who insists on looking for answers.

If you’re faced with a terminal illness then, someone who reacts by showing denial will potentially not believe what they’ve been told and will be constantly looking for ways to prevent what’s happening. Of course this can be adaptive if it leads to an actual solution, but when no solution is forthcoming it can be destructive when others need you to help them face and deal with what’s happened.

Bargaining

In bargaining we have given up on trying to deny what’s happening or prevent it, and instead will try and bargain and offer trade offs.

In the case of a breakdown of a relationship this can be very literal as we find ourselves literally pleading with our ex partners to come back to us, but in other situations it might mean pleading with God or a chosen deity.

Sublimation

Sublimation means directing your distressed energy towards something else and absorbing yourself in that.

For instance if you are having a hard time dealing with a recent loss, you might try to compensate by cleaning the house erratically, or by doing a workout.

Anger

While most of us will show sadness following a personal tragedy, others will react with anger and will lash out at things around us and look for something to blame.

This might mean taking legal action, or it might just mean ‘blaming’ God or punching a pillow. Of course this isn’t the healthiest way to work through emotions, and sometimes you just need to stop fighting and let go so that you can begin the healing process.

Escapism

Many of us will try to ‘escape’ reality in one way or another.

This might mean reading a book or delving into our imaginations (the latter is a common coping mechanism for children), but more dangerously it can mean drinking or using drugs. Again it’s important to deal with the emotions and to face them, even if this requires professional help or hypnotherapy.

Helplessness Response

Sometimes we react by simply shutting down and retiring to our beds to cry and weep.

This can be a good way of dealing with the event in that it means we vent our emotions, but of course we eventually need to return to the world, and we need to be there for others around us.

 

The article is written by health counsellor and blogger, James Swansea. He also writes numerous posts on health and self development.
Photo courtesy of 123rf

Your new-car test drive – things to test before you drive

car dashboard & steering wheel

Look inside as well as test driving a car

Car shopping is a long and detailed process, but you’re making a major investment, so it should be. You’ll do a lot of research on test ratings, features, size, style, makes, and models. You will try your best to narrow it down before you even begin to start physically looking. And you’ll check and compare what cars and deals are available at dealerships near you.

Your experience with a salesperson and at the dealership is so important. One of the single most crucial things you’ll do while there is test drive the vehicles you’re most interested in. There’s a lot that can be said about how to have a successful test drive, but most of it has to do with the actual driving. In order to really get a feel for whether or not a car fits you, here are some things you need to test before you even begin driving each car.

The Seat

When you’re adjusting the seat, pay close attention to comfort and fit. You should be able to adjust the seat in many different ways in order to find the best position for your body, including being able to move the headrest.

Do you feel comfortable in the seat? Is it contoured to your body? Take your time with adjusting the seat and sitting there to really feel it.

Also pay attention to the arm rests; are they in the right place for you?

Put on the seatbelt. Is it comfortable and positioned properly?

The Steering Wheel and Pedals

Can the steering wheel be adjusted to a position that works well for you? Is it comfortable to hold?  You shouldn’t feel like you’re stretching in order to hold the wheel and turn it. For safety, your body should be at least 25 centimetres away from the steering wheel.

You should also be able to reach the pedals without stretching or getting too close to the steering wheel. Some cars have adjustable pedals, too.

Visibility

Adjust your side and rearview mirrors, and look closely into them. Do you have a clear view of the areas you should be able to see, or do you have any additional blind spots? You should be able to turn and look very easily, without needing to alter your driving position very much.

Also make sure it’s easy to see everything on your instrument panel (petrol gauge, speedometer, odometer, etc.).

Controls

Take a moment to asses all the controls in the vehicle. Can you easily reach them while driving? Are they simple or complicated? Do you understand how to use the music system and the climate controls?

Also make sure you know where the releases for the bonnet, boot and petrol-tank doors are.

Do you know how to use the windows, lock the doors, and turn on your headlights? Are the headlights automatic or not? What about the windshield wipers? What about the glove compartment?

All of these controls should be easy for you to locate, interpret, and use.

 

Cooper Gentry is a car expert and mechanical engineer who works with Nissan Automotive for a living. He loves to write about cars and he often gives advice to others on how to make sure you are getting a great deal.

Saving money & time on meals

We came across a blog post at consumption rebellion about cutting her grocery bill. It’s a long post as she describes a detailed process of menu planning and reusing leftovers, but there are definitely some tips in there.

We like the fact that menu planning also saves you time – going shopping with a list makes the trip much quicker and planning meals in advance stops the need for last minute runs to the supermarket for forgotten ingredients.

Reusing leftovers (as well as suiting our green hearts by not wasting!) also appeals to us because it saves time in buying new ingredients and means you don’t need to clean the fridge (to empty the growing food scraps) as often :)

Win win really – save energy worrying about what to cook every night, save food wastage, save money and save time. And all of it saves the planet (fewer drives to shops is a good thing as well as reducing your food footprint.)

Do you have other tips on using leftovers?

win a Busy Mothers’ improved companion

The Busy Mothers Companion – the resource for all busy households. It is full of practical resources and a wealth of tips and ideas that you can use to help you manage and organise your family life. You will get; menu planners, shopping lists, medical information, household charts, budget planners, direct debit schedules, reward charts and much, much more. Everything at your fingertips to help you get organised. 

And it’s been updated to be bigger, brighter and better!

We are offering an electronic version of this great organising tool. With a total value is $37.95 (currently on sale) these are a perfect gift for you or your favourite busy personTo go into the running for this wonderful prize which would be a great way to start 2009, click HERE and answer “What are the section titles in The Busy Mothers Companion?” – remember, you must be subscribed to our newsletter to enter and answers in the comments section below will be deleted.

Competition closes on 9th of January 2009 and winner will be announced in our next newsletter. 

This fantastic prize is valued at $37.95. The lucky winner will be notified on how to claim this prize on completion of the competition and winner announced in our newsletter and in the coments section below.

Note: Save Time Online Competition Terms are available here.

Mobile Phone Security

With the technology or the mobile phone swooping in over the past decade and taking over as the main way of communication through technology, it’s not a surprise that it has become a concern for security risks.

Some of the main concerns that worry people about their mobile phones are:

  • Receiving inappropriate or unsolicited content
  • Fraudulent increases in mobile phone bills
  • Loss of information stored on the phone
  • Phone crashing/freezing
  • Theft of private information ‘over the air’
  • Bluetooth spying or remote monitoring
  • Infecting friends and colleagues with viruses

 

Seeing as it’s unusual to find someone who doesn’t have a mobile phone the use of mobile viruses and spamming is only going to increase.

 

Some of the better known mobile phone viruses are:

  • Mosquito – Sends text messages to premium-rate numbers without the user’s knowledge or approval.
  • Brador – Deletes files, resets the phone and sends contents such as an address book, emails or photos to a third party.
  • Skulls – Deactivates all links to applications on the phone, including emails, instant messenger and the calander, and then replaces all the icons with an image of a skull

 

Though mobile phone spamming and viruses are not as common as they are on computers, with the incorporation of having internet on you mobile phone and Bluetooth the risk factor or your mobile becoming infected is increasing. Some tips and precautions to take to help prevent your mobile phone from attracting viruses are:

  • Treat your mobile just like you would your computer.
  • Lock it when it’s not in use.
  • Use passwords for any online sign ins and make sure they’re complicated enough.
  • Avoid opening messages from senders you don’t recognise.
  • If you lose your phone, call your carrier to let them know immediately
  • Back up your files frequently
  • Log off the internet when not using it
  • Turn off Bluetooth when not using it.
  • Be careful when downloading ring tones or games ect.
  • Install some security software onto your mobile (not all phones come with it)

Want a $1000 goodie bag for Mothers Day?

Well, apparently it is just after Mothers Day but close enough!

The people who bring you Real Mums are running Mums Night Out in Melbourne on Friday 16 May, along with the Real Mums Awards. Everyone who goes to Mums Night Out gets a goodie bag to take home – and each one has stuff valued at over $1,000 in it!

Hope you get to go along and have a great night of eating, drinking, laughing and talking! And maybe some dancing, who knows?! And then enjoy the weekend exploring your goodie bag!

We’re sorry

As part of modern Australia, we are horrified at the existance of the stolen generation – especially that the practice lasted so long and as recently as the 1970s.

As part of Australia, we support Kevin Rudd’s comments this morning and aplogise that average Australians allowed the Government to behave in such a way.

We are sorry that those children were removed from their families, and sorry for those families left to live without knowing about their children’s whereabouts or well being. As mothers, we can’t imagine how hard that separation would have been.

Hopefully, the apology starts the healing process for us all and actions will follow on from today.

We will be searching the net for information and sites about the apology and reconciliation as our small effort towards a united Australia. For now, we are proud to share this link which replays the entire apology speech made by Kevin Rudd this morning.

And we would love to hear how the apology has affected you, and whether you stopped this morning to watch/listen.

Bathrobe treasue hunt

Save Time Online is participating in the Business Mums Network Bathrobe Treasure Hunt (try saying that 3 times quickly!)

So what is it? In short, you need to visit a number of websites to find out answers to questions in the hunt. You send those answers in to the organisers (the Business Mums Network) and are in the running for a number of prizes.

You get to see some new sites and potentially win some great prizes, and entry is free, so it’s worth thinking about! And if you run your own business, you’ll be happy to see a feature listing from us is one of the prizes – just choose your favourite seasonal section from our site (Valentines Day, Easter, May Madness, Mothers Day, Christmas in July, Breast Feeding Week, Fathers Day, Spring, Christmas)

The full list of prizes and involved sites is:

  1. Business Mums Network GOLD membership valued at $245
  2. Blogging for Beginners CD & Notes set from Business Mums Guides valued at $33
  3. Three hours VA admin support only (excluding website design) from Tilda Virtual Services valued at $132
  4. Nuvo Swirl Raglan Top from Nuvo Maternity valued at $54
  5. Silk slippers for Mum from Nature’s Cradle valued at $49.95
  6. Two hours interior design consulting from Green Room Interiors, including summary and samples (if required) valued at $300
  7. Bach consultation and Rescue Remedy spray from Emotional Equilibrium valued at $50
  8. One pair of Vintage Chenille Pants from Oli B Designs valued at $24.95
  9. One Hairclip, Flower elastics (set of two) and one Girls Headband from Kidz Funky Designs valued at $28.95
  10. One nappy wallet from Belly Bumps to Baby Hugs valued at $13.50
  11. Vanchi twin  bib set plus a  matching wrap and hat set from La Toriana valued at $45
  12. Sterling silver and Shiva Eye ring –This ring is 925 Sterling Silver and is nickel free. (Size chart: USA size 7 or British Size O) from Marakye valued at $23.85
  13. An Ickle Kids Brain Teaser Activity Pack from Ickle Kids valued at $44.95
  14. Book and accompanying CD – Ready, Set, Go For It! The complete women’s guide to operating a small business in Australiaby Donna-Marie Coggins from Your Small Biz Expert valued at $33
  15. A $50 gift voucher from Baubles, Bubbles and Bags.
  16. A pack of personalised family stationary valued at $50 from My Beechworth Secretary.
  17. One feature listing on Save Time Online valued at $100.
  18. Complete handbag spritz – the set of 4 Real Mums Spritzes and Sprays, including Instant House Clean, Monster Spray, Snap Out of It Spritz and Escape Spritz valued at $29.95 from Real Mums.
  19. Amboni Organics Rosehip Oil valued at $29.95, hypo -allergenic and fragrance free valued at $29.95 from Natural Form.
  20. A necklace of your choice valued at $20 from Sparkling Dragon Designs.
  21. JBW Harvest Song kitted with threads, fabric and charm, valued at $25.00 from The Needlework Boutique
  22. A MYOB version 17 fully installed and the first month data processed together with a health check on your bookkeeping system from Jim’s Bookkeeping.
  23. One year’s free subscription to Mail Magic or the Site Builder valued at $120 from MultimediART.

 PS It is called the Bathrobe hunt as it is part of the celebrations of ‘doing business in your bathrobe month’ – a time to recognise all those people running a business from home.

School terms 2008

 As simple and nice as it would be ot have all Australian children to have the same school terms, they vary between states. Although it is nice to travel interstate and not have to deal with the crowds of school kids on holidays!
So here are the school holidays for 2008:

Victoria
Term 1: 29 Jan (pupil free day), 30 Jan (students start) – 20 Mar
Term 2: 7 Apr–27 Jun
Term 3:
14 Jul–19 Sept
Term 4:
6 Oct–19 Dec

Tasmania
Note: 3 terms in TAS
Term 1: 14 Feb–30 May
Term 2: 16 Jun–5 Sep
Term 3: 22 Sep–18 Dec

WA

Term 1:4 Feb–11 Apr
Term 2: 29 Apr–4 Jul
Term 3: 22 Jul–26 Sep
Term 4: 14 Oct–18 Dec

NT
Term 1: 29 Jan–4 Apr
Term 2: 14 Apr–20 Jun
Term 3: 21 Jul–26 Sep
Term 4: 6 Oct–12 Dec

SA
Term 1: 29 Jan–11 Apr
Term 2: 28 Apr–4 Jul
Term 3: 21 Jul–26 Sep
Term 4: 13 Oct–12 Dec

ACT
Term 1: 1 Feb–11 Apr
Term 2: 28 Apr–4 Jul
Term 3: 21 Jul–26 Sep
Term 4: 13 Oct–19 Dec

Qld
Term 1: 29 Jan–4 Apr
Term 2: 14 Apr–27 Jun
Term 3: 14 Jul–19 Sep
Term 4: 6 Oct–12 Dec

NSW
Term 1: 29 Jan–5 Apr
Term 2: 23 Apr–29 Jun
Term 3: 16 Jul–28 Sep
Term 4: 15 Oct–21 Dec

Christmas goodies – get them now!

Christmas is over and the post-Christmas sales have begun. Now is the time to stock up on your wrapping paper, Christmas cards, decorations, and all things Christmassy while they are on special. Often these items are less than half price, so it is worth shopping around and stocking up – and it will save you racing to the shops next December to buy them!

Some online stores also offer discounts on Christmas items so don’t forget to look online, too!